My baby is starting to put himself to sleep. I've waited for this day, prayed for this day, but now that it's here I'm a little sad.
Prior to this, we would swaddle him and walk him around the apartment for what felt like hours sometimes. And at first it was. Taking turns in the wee hours of the night to pace the living room floor. Stop and you'd wake up, sit down and you'd wake. And don't even think about laying you down. Gradually it got a little better, but still the walking, still holding you for long periods of time before laying you down, only to have you wake 20 minutes later. Then we'd repeat. Day in. Day out. You have always been a very awake, very alert little guy. Sometimes laundry got folded and put away, sometimes it didn't. Sometimes your daddy came home to dinner cooked, sometimes he didn't. And forget about a shower, or working out, or just getting work done in general. And so I prayed for a break, a little down time, and a little more sleep. And we worked hard on it, trying to teach you to soothe yourself. And then suddenly you were. Just like that you didn't need me to hold you anymore, to rock you, to sway you to sleep. You outgrew me in one teeny tiny way and I already miss it. I think parenting is hard, because you're essentially teaching your children not to need you. Slowly, painfully, pridefully, to grow independent. You're only 3 months old, but already I miss what you've successfully learned to do yourself. My little love I'm so proud of you.